Why listening is fundamental to leadership
Great leaders make employees feel like they matter by listening to their contributions, even if they don’t always agree with what is being said.
During my career I’ve worked with hundreds of leaders – CEOs, CFOs, CHROs, CIOs, directors, associate directors, partners, operating unit leaders and other leaders of various titles and responsibilities. Their titles did little to reveal or reflect the quality of their leadership.
The leaders who made the greatest impression on me were those who were skilled listeners. These leaders made me feel like I mattered by listening to my contributions. It wasn’t that they always agreed with what I said. Rather, they reflected on what I said and furthered our conversations. Most importantly, they were mentally present and engaged in the conversation – whether physically or virtually.
Leaders who listen have the biggest impact. This impact is long lasting even in their absence. They make space for others and build connection. They are open to broadening their perspective by listening to others’ points of view and ideas. They become better informed, more knowledgeable and more connected to the breadth of issues that may be impacted by their leadership. They learn what is of importance to their team members, colleagues, clients and customers. They are open to learning and discovery, and recognise that they don’t have all the answers. They build their connectivity with others by listening and have a positive impact in doing so.
You can be a leader like this who inspires and motivates, connects and contributes, learns and grows. Let’s understand how.
Notice how you are listening
One of my favourite authors, American civil rights activist Maya Angelou, is quoted as saying, ‘People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel’. When you listen, you make people feel valued. Learning to listen is fundamental to inspiring and motivating others.
Knowing what you know about your own response to poor listeners and how they make you feel, why would you allow yourself to become a poor listener when you lead and engage with others? I don’t believe you’d intend to be a poor listener. Rather, when you listen poorly, I think you lose consciousness of how you are making people feel. You become too focused on your own immediate needs and lose sight of the benefits of listening.
Being busy
We are all busy and getting busier. Time is of the essence, and stopping to listen requires just that – time. Think about that. Listening takes time, and most people talk about how they are time poor. You don’t want to waste time, so you might not stop to listen. You might try to rush through the conversation by selectively listening: listening for what you want to hear and then steering the conversation around that. It might feel as though you’re being efficient because you’re progressing what you have prioritised. However, selective listening can halt conversations. It means you are bringing your own biases to conversations, which reduces your capacity to expand your perspective.
Cognitive processing
Research demonstrates that you think faster than you speak. People speak at an average of 125 words per minute, yet are likely to mentally process at a faster rate. Your brain has room to be doing other things when people are talking to you, which often means you allow for distracting thoughts or that inner voice to enter the conversation, which gets in the way of listening.
Expertise and eminence
As a subject matter expert, you may be passionate about demonstrating your value to your colleagues and clients. This might mean you enter conversations with your agenda and thought leadership front of mind, leaving less space for others’ views. After all, isn’t that what you are being paid for? Isn’t that how you create eminence? As you become more senior, don’t people expect to hear more from you?
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This perspective pulls you into a telling mindset, where you tell your team members and clients what to do because you believe your expertise or experience will be helpful. What you haven’t stopped to do is test this out by listening to what people really want or need.
Nor have you broadened your own perspective by opening yourself up to what others may know.
Think about the last meeting you had with a client. Who did most of the talking? For what percentage of the meeting was your voice audible? Try to shift this next time so that the greater percentage of time is dominated by others’ voices. Change the focus to learning from the other people in the room, rather than proving your expertise.
This article is an extract from the book Be Your Own Leadership Coach: Self-coaching strategies to lead your way by Karen Stein.
Karen Stein is an International Coaching Federation Professional Certified Coach.
