Hooray, Shark Tank, the show that turns ideas into money, pitching into sport and future business projections into thousand-piece brain puzzles made entirely of blue sky… is back.
First, the sharks
Robert Herjavec, the American fella you’ve seen on Shark Tanks everywhere. I’m sure he had that pink sports coat made for him as part of a set to match the hues of his 80s sports car collection.
Next, “fashionista and CEO”, Jane Lu.
It’s easy to believe her catchcry, “with my connections and with our hustle, we can get into anywhere,” when you see her moonlighting on the bank commercials during the ad breaks.
Then Davie Fogarty who tells us, “When someone signs with me, I can take them to $10 million in no time”. Fine. But it should’ve been “I’m Davie. I invented the Oodie.” Sadly, he’s not wearing one.
New Shark Nick Bell is one of those ripped gazillionaire bright-blue-suit, RM Williams digital agency charmers you see strutting the city streets. He definitely ran a lazy half marathon this morning.
Maxine Horne may be new but her presence and fire make you think she’s been on the show from the start.
A shark in leopard print, her catchcry, “bite off more than you can chew and chew like hell,” shows why she was once Australia’s highest-paid female CEO.
Strapsicle
Pitch one, “I’m Lou, and I’m Ben, and we’re the founders of Strapsicle.”
The Sharks and the rest of Australia snigger.
It’s not what you think.
It’s a silicon Kindle holder.
Their presentation is a corker. Great story, and the branding is clean and happy. The idea came when Lou dropped her Kindle on her baby’s head late at night while breastfeeding. Baby’s okay, by the way.
But aren’t Kindles the past? Yeah, nah. Strapsicle have sold over 1.5 million in the first year.
They want $250,000 in exchange for 10% of the business.
Digital guy Nick goes straight to the numbers. Davie the Oodies guy thinks you could licence them to brands like Harry Potter.
There’s great excitement until Davie asks if they have a patent. And what’s to stop ripoff Strapsicles (I almost typo-ed something ruder) from popping up on Amazon?
Flash to a look of fear in Ben and Lou’s eyes. Every SME idea has its Kryptonite that causes sleepless nights, and this could be it.
But the answer is yes, they have a patent and they’ll be okay if they keep building their already strong brand. Well answered.
Maxine opens with an offer of $250,000 and 20% that somehow shrinks to 15%.
Fashionista Jane delivers what might be the quote of the night…
“There is nothing more I hate than reading. It’s not something I can get excited about. For that reason, I’m out.”
Davie matches Maxine’s offer, while Tech-Nick matches the offer but says he’ll be better because he runs a digital agency.
Robert the Shark Tank stalwart gives a spiel saying he will match the money but take a 25% share of the company. Because he can save them time. Nobody knows what that means.
Davie and Robert form an alliance and Ben and Lou agree to 22.5%. Success! Good on them.
Kewlus
Next, meet Reedy Kewlus (say it aloud). He’s made the world’s first modular punching bag. It started as a spring that you could make your own punching bag from with a pool noodle – and now it’s a complete set.
Everyone in the room wants Reedy to succeed. The sharks have a go and the politeness has an early Masterchef vibe. Ding ding! Round two and we get to the numbers and the pitch collapses.
How many have you sold? BANG!
Was it 150 or 180 in revenue? THWACK!
What’s your profit? WHAM!
25% 85%, 77%. The numbers are flying around Reedy’s head like cartoon concussion birdies.
He wants $200,000 for 10% of the company but he’s already lost the fight.
Maxine tells him he’s all over the place.
We find out Reedy doesn’t even box.
Digital agency Nick calls Reedy “a hot mess”.
He might have been called a hot mess tonight but one day he’ll invent something ace. This is the small business bug — if you got it, you’ve got it for life. Keep on punching, Reedy.
Dunny Buddy
Next pitch and the show turns to…
“G’day sharks. My name is Darren, and I’m the owner and director at Dunny Buddy. Sharks… Three things we know for sure is, one, we all have a bum…”
Darren tells us that he’s rehearsed this pitch to fund his dunny roll dispenser for camping 1,500 times. It’s a fun pitch, full to the brim with poo and wee jokes.
He’s sold 560,000 over two years, and that’s just at trade shows and online. An investment will get them into more shops. He mentions a subscription model and those who have subs models on their Shark Tank bingo card reach for the textas.
Somewhere in the middle of negotiations, digital agency Nick makes a classic founder-mode announcement…
I actually don’t use toilet paper. I use wet wipes.
Wow, and he offers the $75,000 for a 25% (Darren wanted it to be 15%), stake in the company.
Oodies and Maxine need more thinking music.
Oodie offers $75,000 for 20%. Maxine joins in with the Oodie’s deal and they offer something more complex than a tent building manual in the wrong language.
Darren says yes.
Dundies
The final pitch is also poo related.
We meet pitcher Emily, and her bulldog. The bulldog is wearing nappies. Yes, Dundies are reusable pet nappies.
Her pitch opens with one of the greatest sentences ever spoken…
“Now you might be wondering: why are people putting nappies on their dogs?”
With that, tonight’s show has become The Shart Tank.
Her presentation is fantastic, and she’s already sold two million pairs! They’re already in Petbarn in NZ and a $250,000 will help her with an order in the millions that she’s negotiating with Petbarn Australia.
More number talk, but it’s getting too confusing because I can’t take my eyes off the dog wearing nappies.
Jane Lu has already invested in nappies in a previous Shark Tank series and doesn’t want to double down in the poo business.
Old school Robert wants 40% of the business but that, like the nappies, is taking the piss.
Maxine offers the money and 30% only if the order comes in, then down to 25%.
Emily realises she doesn’t need these bums’ money and rejects all offers. Once she walks out, maybe to save face, they start negging her numbers knowledge which seems a bit off.
Her dog nappy business is already killing it and she probably didn’t need to be on the show.
Good on her.
Never miss a story: sign up to SmartCompany’s free daily newsletter and find our best stories on LinkedIn.