I work with someone who smells and is rude. Help!

I work with someone who drives me nuts. He is untidy, he doesn’t communicate properly, he is rude and at times smells. How do I manage this without leaving the job?

You need to sit down and talk with this person and discuss it all openly and without emotion. Just focus on the facts.

Start positively
Thank them for agreeing to meet with you. Acknowledge without blame that you are not getting on so well, and that maybe you are partly to blame …. (there is likely to be a reason, so try and think about this). Give positive feedback about what you enjoy about their work, then move into the area of what needs to change.

Create the direction
Establish a goal in your first few sentences for wanting to change the way you are communicating so it is effective. Make practical suggestions for what needs to change. Just be calm and explain why things need to be different. Perhaps link it to company, safety or legal standards, or agreed behaviours for your team.

Give specific feedback
Start with a specific issue and be specific. Give examples. Tell it without a lot of drama, then listen and acknowledge their reasoning.

Be sensitive with hygiene feedback
Try a positive approach if it’s related to them walking to work or being at the gym, such as “I think it’s great that you go to the gym every lunchtime. Perhaps some of your motivation could rub off on me. But there are showers in the building and sometimes you can smell that you’ve been to the gym.

Or if it’s hot weather, say “It’s hard in this heat to stay fresh and I just wanted to let you know whatever deodorant you might be using is not really working effectively and I know you would prefer to know than have people discuss it behind your back.”

If it’s about wearing smelly shoes that get taken off under the desk: “You might not be aware of it but it’s possible to smell your shoes (or feet) under the desk, especially when your shoes are off”. This is all hard to do but without it the workplace can become somewhere you do not want to go and a tension builds up with the person and everyone starts talking about them, or worse still they wait till end of year and give the person soap and deodorant for gifts at Christmas time.

Ask for feedback
Make sure this discussion is two way. Ask “is there anything you’d like to raise with me, anything you want to discuss?” And the likelihood is you will be given a surprise – maybe something you are doing you had not realised was upsetting your colleague. So listen and acknowledge. Thank them for any feedback – remember all feedback is valuable for us to develop and grow.
Apologise for inappropriate actions. Say “I’m sorry. Thanks for letting me know that.” Remain open and calm. Offer to make changes. Suggest what can be done. Agree what would work better.

Summarise positively
Remind them of what you think they do well. Such as “I also wanted to say you’re doing a fantastic job. The reports you’re producing, the new layout … looks fantastic. Thank you, they’re the best I’ve ever had.”

Reinforce goals and actions for future
A common goal or vision is what can bring us together. Focus on this positive common goal not what drives you both crazy about each other. Suggest further meetings to discuss “so we can improve our communication, perhaps we could catch up like this every couple of weeks. Would that suit you?”

Click here to see the video Personality Clash

Eve Ash is author of Rewrite Your Life! and Rewrite Your Relationships! and producer of the DVD Personality Clash a 2009 release from the DIFFICULT PEOPLE & SITUATIONS series by SEVEN DIMENSIONS www.7dimensions.com.au

For more Eve Ash advice, click here.