Rewrite your life!

The best way to enjoy life is to accept the twists and turns and see change as a positive thing… Isn’t it strange though, how life can be going along, and when you least expect it, you have a gigantic curveball to deal with?

Like last year for me – finding a sister, then two brothers, then another sister, a new biological father, more brothers… all stemming from my family secret! I was from a nuclear family – holocaust survivors, yet my mum had met and fallen in love with a man she had a secret relationship with for 15 years. DNA proved the fact. It’s a year on and it still amazes me, especially as I had only a few years ago co-written Rewrite Your Life! and Rewrite Your Relationships! (Penguin). Time for another book now – Rewrite your Family!

We all seem to be wired to respond so differently that the same circumstance can make one person upset, angry, depressed, secretive, and another (me) delighted and excited. What makes one person crumble and become unmotivated in a situation, yet for another person it charges them, moves them to consider new options and strategies.

It helps to understand the impact of positive and negative thoughts on you personally… and over time we all need to develop strategies for regaining a sense of control and planning for a positive future.

Here are some strategies:

Learning to think positively
People can learn to think positively, it just takes some effort, perseverance and determination in order to learn to be positive.

A person needs to RECOGNISE that the way they think directly affects the way they feel and how they react in certain situations. Understand your thinking patterns – it’s easy to feel down, so it’s important to recognise thinking patterns EARLY before they drag you down to a place where it’s hard to bounce back.

Often people think that a situation causes a feeling they have; a manager criticising them and they feel angry and upset. The reality is that there is a step in between an event and a feeling, and that is what you think about the event. If you hold negative beliefs and think negative thoughts, the event will cause you to react with anger or become upset. Thinking plays an important part in how you react, influencing your behaviour and how you think about the world.

Take control
Make changes you can control and that will achieve results. If things are not going well, stop dwelling on how bad it is, catch yourself moaning to yet another friend about how disappointed you are – take control and get a plan and stick to it for change that YOU control.

Understand your emotions
Use a diary, observe your feelings objectively, talk to someone – a friend, work colleague, manager or counselling service. Remember many large employers provide this service FREE for staff. Know what the feelings relate to, what triggers them, and mostly learn to recognise them so you can manage them or get help to manage them.

Move on
Plan and prioritise, focus on a positive future, use a vision of how you want your future to be. Discuss the plans with a friend. Write out your vision and plans.

Bring fun and enjoyment into your life
Help others, go to a place that refreshes you.

The main skill in learning to think positively is to identify and recognise negative thinking – negative scripts – and CHALLENGE it. Challenge a negative thought by saying: “Everyone makes mistakes and it’s not the end of the world.” Learn from the mistake, so as not to do it again.

Steps to overcoming negative thinking

1. ASK: Am I reacting negatively?

2. DETERMINE WHY: What are the negative thoughts?

3. Change the negative thinking scripts into positive scripts and positive thinking by saying: “I don’t like this, but it’s okay and I will cope.”

Practise positive thinking – tell yourself positive thoughts and catch yourself if you start reacting badly and stop it. With enough practice, positive thinking becomes a habit.

I am very excited about my new extended family. All good for a documentary which I am now making!

Eve Ash is the co-author with Rob Gerrand of Rewrite Your Life! and Rewrite Your Relationships! and has created a wide range of DVDs and resources to help people become motivated.