Sometimes people feel so upset and angry with someone at work, they start to feel anxious and sick, start hating a job they would otherwise really enjoy, and then think of leaving.
Whether a dispute is about who should be doing what, someone’s mannerisms or just a plain personality clash, disputes waste a lot of time and energy and need to be resolved. Ideally people can resolve it themselves. However a mediator may need to step in – a manager, team leader, colleague, human resource specialist, or maybe a psychologist. I was asked to resolve a dispute and will now go through the essential steps I had to cover.
1. Right time and place
Make sure there is a private quiet meeting place that you can all be at for an agreed amount of time. The minimum might be 30-40 minutes, but likely 60 minutes is best and an absolute maximum of 90 minutes.
2. Set ground rules
Be calm, clear and confident and ask for agreement. You need to clearly outline what you hope to achieve ad how this will work, eg. “We only have an hour but we should aim to achieve a way forward so you can both work together productively without feeling bad. I will ensure you both have time to talk, and respond to each other’s issues. I will ask that you respect that each person has a right to speak and be heard. I don’t want to get to the end of this hour and have either of you walk away saying it was a waste of time. So I am asking for your full participation now. Do you agree?”
3. Clarify the issues
What is each person unhappy about? What specifically is annoying them about the other person’s behaviour, actions, tone, comments, etc? When? Why is this an issue? What stops them from doing their job?
When people are in a conflict, feelings of anger, resentment and frustration can cloud the actual issues. They are often unable to effectively communicate their concerns, and instead start accusing, blaming, making sarcastic remarks or glaring and showing obvious anger.
So as a mediator you must spend time ensuring both parties are clear about the issues. Write down each issue as it is brought up, clarify and move onto the next issue until both parties have all their concerns heard and listed.
Two types of questions can help you:
a. ‘What specifically. . . ?’ type questions.
These are designed to push each person to be specific and concrete.
eg. ‘What specifically does he do that upsets you or stops you doing your job properly?’
‘What exactly are you unhappy about?’
‘What precisely do you mean by her attitude?’
‘Give me a specific example.’
b. ‘Okay, so….?’ type questions.
These help you summarise and check what you have heard.
eg. ‘Okay, so what you are saying is you don’t like the fact that he constantly looks at and even points to his watch, and tells you to hurry up when you are still in the midst of a delicate process, is that right?’
‘OK, so you feel angry because she ignores you and takes too long, is that right?’
An effective mediator needs to keep using these types of questions until a complete, precise, concrete list of issues has been obtained from each party.
4. Control the discussion
If a dispute between two people gets to the stage where it is necessary to have a third party mediator intervene, then obviously it is a difficult conflict with people talking over each other. Tight control must be maintained. This is CRITICAL!
The mediator needs to control:
a. WHO is talking at any one time.
It is common when one disputing party is talking for the other party to want to interrupt to argue back, to accuse, to defend, etc. It is essential that the mediator control who is talking and who is listening by use of very clear direction.
e.g. ‘Janet, I want you to tell Paul what you are not happy about.’
‘Paul, I want you to just listen at this stage. You can ask questions or comment later.’
b. WHAT is being talked about at any one time.
It is easy during a mediation session, for either party to go off on tangents, or bring in irrelevant issues. The mediator will need to help them stay on track by giving very clear direction.
eg. ‘Maria, I know what you are saying is important, but let’s come back to that later. I want to now finish off the issue of David’s errors.’
5. Do a deal
The mediator needs to ask each party to agree on how they will resolve their differences, and perhaps make compromises. Often people start doing this spontaneously, without much direction from the mediator. Other times the mediator needs to encourage this by making suggestions, such as:
‘Okay, Susanna how do you feel about staying late sometimes to help Juan with the data entry, if, in return, Juan takes total responsibility for doing the rosters?’
There may well be some to and fro action at this step but if at least some deal is struck, progress is being made.
6. Action plan and follow up
Put in writing what has been agreed to – clearly establishing who is going to do what from now on. Setting a review date in the future is also essential. And maybe offer one or both parties individual support or training to be able to deliver their side.
Eve Ash is the co-producer of the award winning DVD Mediating Disputes which was filmed in two different workplaces and is part of the bestPeople Skills Series one of the 300+ DVDs and online resources available from Seven Dimensions.
James was the editor and publisher of SmartCompany and LeadingCompany for five years. He is now the Australian Financial Review‘s companies & markets editor, and a former BRW editor.
