We have a staff member who is very thin-skinned. At the slightest criticism, she accuses someone of being a bully. Help!
Criticism can be perceived as bullying, especially if it is ongoing, excessive and humiliating, and especially if it is in public. But where do you draw the line when a manager reasonably wants to give feedback, but the individual perceives the feedback as “bullying”? And is it fair that one person perceives the same behaviour as bullying, while another puts up with it and feels it is all part of a manager’s personality and doesn’t take it personally?
How can managers give constructive feedback (let’s not use the word criticism) and not be accused of bullying?
Workplaces near to have very clear policies and processes about behaviours that can lead to legal problems and health and wellbeing problems.
A bullying policy ensures everyone has a clear understanding of exactly what bullying is. Bullying at work is repeated, unreasonable, unwanted or hurtful behaviour directed at any individual or group that creates a psychological or physical risk to health or safety.
A wide variety of behaviours have been offered as an example of bullying and managers and employers need to be very clear about these behaviours as they have a legal duty to monitor and control the workplace safety and wellbeing of their staff.
Bullying may be any intimidating or threatening behaviour that undermines, victimises or humiliates others. Sometimes the behaviours are subtle, even as simple as demeaning comments, or actions that isolate someone. It could a range of things such as:
While these might seem obvious, there are some less obvious behaviours that can constitute bullying:
Managers need to manage so everyone knows what is or is NOT acceptable behaviour at work. While some people seem to grasp what might be constituted as bullying, many are still circulating and passing on racist emails.
The Victorian Police Force is currently in crisis with a large number of staff being disciplined or sacked over circulating inappropriate racist emails. How can this be happening? Are we selecting people with the wrong values? Are they subject to peer pressure or poor role models? I think there is a lack of quality training and exposure to policies, standards and consequences of such emails and behaviours? The words and phrases of the policies need to be spelt out clearly with examples so everyone gets it.
Back to the thin skinned staff member. This person needs empathy and a caring manager who recognises the person might be more sensitive than other employees. But more than that the whole business needs a feedback culture where people are trained to give and receive feedback professionally. If the feedback is given effectively AND relates to a performance standard that has been previously discussed, it will not be taken badly. But this will only happen in organisations that take the trouble to provide feedback skills training for EVERYONE at all levels. Then you have people asking for feedback, giving specific feedback with examples, and great role models at the top.
For more articles on giving and receiving feedback see here and here.
Eve Ash has produced a wide range of programs on bullying and harassment, as well as giving and receiving feedback.
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