Have you ever been shocked by the reaction of someone at work? A colleague or a customer is surprisingly rude? There you are being friendly, warm and smiley – and you get snubbed or a rude response a glare, and when you ask what’s wrong or say, “You seem upset”, you get told, “That’s none of your business!” And so starts a longer-term unhappiness for more than just one person at work.
We cannot be best friends with everyone and there will no doubt be times in which there is a fundamental personality clash that requires some basic tension diffusion tactics. Some workplaces are extremely competitive and people see openness and friendliness as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. However, to be constantly at war in the workplace is ultimately stressful and in the long-term quite bad for your health. If you have anger and discord at work, you need to do something about it, whether you seek help at work or outside work.
There is a traditional view that you should never bring your problems to work, or that work is a categorically different world to your private life and that any mixing of the two is a dangerous practice.
This is true up to a point, where an increased level of objectivity is required, as well as a reduced level of emotionality (aka professionalism) is expected. However, if you are having issues in your home life, and major stresses outside of work that nobody knows about it is likely that you will be more moody, less agreeable, more emotional, maybe aggressive, less understanding or even less motivated.
If your boss or co-workers have no idea about your levels of stress then all of these changes in your behaviour will be treated with frustration from the people around you. Again, this will create additional, unnecessary stress for everyone. People don’t need to know intimate details, but if you have a trusting, open relationship in which you can quietly say, “I’m going through some tough times at home, I’m sorry if I’m not myself” then you might actually get some support from places you never expected.
Some people are naturally more reserved and private than others. If you have a very quiet member of your team then read the situation and don’t pry in an unwelcomed manner. However, if you are the quiet and reserved one, it would serve you well to let people in a bit. Allow people to become interested in what you are doing. These human connections are fundamental to our ongoing happiness – to close off to them is making a decision to shut down a part of you and potential positive experiences and possibly enjoy life less, certainly have less engagement at work and less job satisfaction.
In a working environment we are generally thrown in with a mixed group of people, of varying interests, backgrounds, beliefs and preferences, so it may take a little more effort to get close to our colleagues than it is to the people we choose to spend time with. The people that have the most influence over us are usually the ones we are closest to. Friends and family – the people we willingly spend the majority of our free time are those whose opinions we value the most. The trust and respect you have for these people allows for a more free exchange of ideas and the chance for more constructive honesty.
These are exactly the kind of communication behaviours that a highly motivated positively functioning team exhibits. Regardless of your position within your organisation you have the ability to increase trust and openness with those you work with.
There is so much benefit in interacting on a more personal level with the people you work with that it can make you wonder why we are all so distant.
Taking an interest in the personal lives of the people that work with you is an important element of building productive relationships, mutual respect and trust. Without these strong, healthy working relationships the working week can become much more draining. It becomes lonelier, more competitive, less enjoyable and more stressful.
If there is someone at work that you don’t know a lot about, perhaps it’s time to do something. Extend the hand of kindness and interest and enjoy work just a little bit more.
Eve Ash has written books and produced a wide range of films and videos to help people at work improve themselves and their communication skills.
Smart Company is the leading online publication in Australia for free news, information and resources catering to Australia’s entrepreneurs, small and medium business owners and business managers.
