You might secretly be enjoying the guilty pleasure of love at work, thinking no one is none the wiser… but think again.
Do you honestly believe no one is aware of it? Who is being impacted? How distracted are you? Are you both single but are keeping it a secret because you work together and it’s against the rules? Or is one or both of you already in a relationship? And if you are already in a relationship – is that relationship faltering or are you just bored?
Whatever the case, love at work usually causes distraction and work output is impacted.
How does the workplace relationship begin?
It’s not surprising that it happens. We spend more waking hours at work than we do in our own homes. The sheer amount of time that we spend with those we work with means the friendships we make are often strong and deep. Occasionally that friendship can cross over into intimate territory. The three most common starting points are:
1. The end of year celebration: The annual event that every large organisation enjoys – the staff Christmas party. It usually involves a few drinks, some blurring of the lines of command, a social atmosphere in place of a working atmosphere and most importantly – a reduced level of inhibition.
2. The conference: Thrown together with intense work involvement… a night or two, some alcohol… Something’s bound to happen.
3. Travel for work: Away from home, hotels, out of sight, out of mind… You know the rest.
Who is it with – and what impact is it having? Is it with a colleague? The boss? One of your staff? A client?
This is perhaps the least harmful species of the workplace love affair. Two people that have caught each other’s eye crossing paths through reception, or working on a project together is a great thing. Many successful relationships have come from these humble beginnings.
There is a complication if the two people work in the same department. It can cloud judgements and discussions and create divisions and cliques due to the overt nature of the alliance. Some organisations have very transparent policies that encourage employees to disclose intimate relations and may shift people around to other departments to avoid their work being compromised.
This can be a very difficult starting point for a relationship. A healthy relationship has an even spread of power, whereas this type of relationship has a clear power imbalance. Can the relationship have two different versions – one for the romance and another for the office?
This is a relationship to avoid. It will undoubtedly create an unpleasant working environment when people discover the relationship and will create an even more unpleasant relationship if/when the novelty and excitement is over. Or if it is so powerful, then one person should change jobs.
The excitement and thrill of an illicit lover on the side is too much for many people to resist.
Despite infidelity being a much more common occurrence than most would realise, it is even more complicated to be having an illicit affair with someone you work with. Some people even socialise with the person they are having an affair with, TOGETHER with their original partners. When later this is uncovered (as so many are) the person being cheated on goes back retrospectively to those time and it is very painful. It’s harmful to your existing relationships and self-esteem.
In summary – any romantic relationship has to start somewhere. The workplace is as good a place as any, but the sheer number of complications means that it may be a more difficult path to tread than others. Try and keep an eye on the broader picture to ensure your platonic working relationships are not suffering at the hands of your romantic ones. And if you are in an unsatisfying, boring, annoying relationship and needing an affair – why stay in that relationship? Maybe as you read this you know you need to free yourself and your previously loved one you live with.
We only live once. We shouldn’t be unhappy in our relationships. By the same token we shouldn’t be so smitten and distracted by love at work, that we are not focussed on the work we need to be doing! If we do work with someone we love – we need to be sure that at work, work is the focus.
Eve Ash is the author of Rewrite Your Relationships! (Penguin) and Rewrite Your Life! (Penguin). Her free podcast Love at Work is available for download on iTunes.
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