Making a good first impression is incredibly important – yet it is often a wasted opportunity for two main reasons:
1. It’s stressful for many people: It is amazing how much we can spiral into awkwardness at the thought of being assessed and judged. The more important the encounter is deemed to be, the more stress that is experienced and the more likely we are to make the opposite impact that we are trying to achieve.
2. It’s not stressful enough! A large number of people are so relaxed and casual, that they edge into SLACK and they under-prepare for a meeting. They may have developed confidence about themselves and their work, but are not skilled in being able to focus on the encounter ahead. They don’t anticipate or explore what will make this meeting have most value for both parties, they ignore telling body language or ‘tone’ of emails in the lead up, they don’t bring anything to make a note of outcomes and they don’t have a clear goal or business focus. Or worse still, they are a tag-along type – someone who knows another person will carry the meeting so they don’t need to have formulated ideas, or have read through material, they don’t prepare for the tough challenges and they don’t consider it important to be prepared with questions, considerations, openness and interest.
The traditional advice for a new meeting and where you want to make an impact is to make sure you dress well, make eye contact, speak clearly and directly and try to relax. While this is great advice we need to look a little deeper if we are actually going to move from self-conscious to self-confident, or from slack to slick.
Physiologically speaking, there is little difference between nervousness and excitement. On the mental front, however, the difference is stark. Instead of the damaging thought patterns such as, “This is a nightmare! It’s going to be tough” or “How on earth am I going to pull this off – not possible!” you need to think along more exciting lines, “I’ve heard this woman is an impressive individual – it’s going to be great to meet her!” or “I’ve read up and can’t wait to ask some interesting questions! This is the start of something amazing”.
And if you have no stress – rekindle your passion for ideas, relationships and productive work. If you create an atmosphere of excitement and enjoyment it will filter through to every single word you speak and action you make. Your handshake will be eager instead of tentative, your smile will be warm instead of nervous, your eyes will sparkle instead of being glazed… and from this point the encounter is already much better than it would have been.
I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to get outside of yourself and to view the conversation you are in. It is so common to leave a conversation thinking, “I should have said X”. This happens when we freeze emotionally, due to stress and apprehension, making us lose sight of what the best possible responses are. Or we get lazy and don’t allow powerful thoughts to break through. We get caught up in idle talk, idle non-participation, glazed observation… waiting for something to happen, or worse still, waiting until it’s over. If you put your mind towards having impact, giving clear, powerful, interested comments and especially reading the other person’s body language and tweaking your responses in and around that, you will be much more effective.
Much of the impact you will have is about your passion, your voice, your body language… but you also need to have a clear and powerful plan, or fit within a larger business plan, and align with business goals – yours and theirs. This means preparation to be the best you can be in every situation. In terms of importance, addressing the emotional and situational factors is actually more important. The preparation needs to be centred around contingency plans. If you are expecting bad news, have a prepared response. If someone tries to pour cold water on your idea, have a counter argument ready to go. It is this type of preparation that will really get you thinking about the other person’s perspective and more deeply engaged.
Always walk away with clear outcomes and follow up.
Eve Ash has produced books, DVDs and resources to assess your impact, learn new skills, be a great networker and get business results.
Smart Company is the leading online publication in Australia for free news, information and resources catering to Australia’s entrepreneurs, small and medium business owners and business managers.
