I was honoured and fortunate to cross paths with the Dalai Lama in Brisbane last week as we were staying in the same hotel. I was sitting in the foyer and he walked along with one other person and looked across at me and smiled and I beamed back. It was a smile that made me feel fantastic and I realised it was one that you rarely get from someone as they scan nearby people and make eye contact.
I wonder how many opportunities we have to smile when we don’t even think of it.
What is your resting position on your face? Are you the owner of a scowl, a worried look, an aloof look or a smile?
While you may feel indifferent about the world around you in this resting position you are actually sending a message to all those around you. A pleasant resting half-smile encourages people to come to you, interact and start a positive exchange. A fierce, stern resting position tells the world not to dare come near you and to expect hostility if they do.
Which is the message you want to send?
Little children smile and laugh easily hundreds of times a day. They haven’t yet learned how to guard and regulate their feelings, and it is this kind of genuineness and emotional honesty that we wish everyone had.
Adults smile a lot less and yet it is a smile that can make us feel so warm,
appreciated and valued. A smile actually opens a dialogue, a friendly exchange that you would otherwise miss out on.
It doesn’t require words, it simply sends a message: I’m friendly and pleased to be around you.
When a stranger smiles at you it’s a great feeling. When people at work smile at each other it feels like a positive culture. Too many people have a sour expression.
Smiling at someone makes them smile back.
It’s not that hard but we seem to forget the power of that special smile. It can brighten someone’s day, disarm an aggressor, make a stranger feel welcome, give a shy co-worker that little push towards becoming involved. It’s such a powerful thing and so easy to do.
As leaders we need to be aware of how much our smiles and especially our non-smiles can impact those around us. Many staff look for reactions from their leaders, especially after an event, a project submission, an email – or just a day to day reassurance of being valued.
It may sound ridiculous but you can also hear a smile. When you’re on a call to someone you get a very strong sense of their mood through their tone. It’s almost like we can read the body language through a voice as it becomes more upbeat as the person begins to smile. A smile can be the result of a positive mood, but it can also be the starting point in turning around a negative mood.
It’s the easiest thing in the world. Just smile.
Eve Ash produces many training DVDs and has just completed a powerful new program called Switch on Everyone
James was the editor and publisher of SmartCompany and LeadingCompany for five years. He is now the Australian Financial Review‘s companies & markets editor, and a former BRW editor.
