I’m sick of the limp, dead fish handshakes

Dear Aunty B,

I have a problem, which may seem quite trivial, but you handle lots of different “agonies” so I thought I would give this a shot.

Whenever I shake the hand of someone with a limp handshake (not always a woman) I also resort to a limp handshake. It seems almost cruel squeezing a dead fish. But it results (well at least for me) in a very unsatisfying physical exchange.

Is it okay to be more forceful and squeeze away, despite feeling like I am being too dominating and pushy?

Leon,
Sydney

Dear Leon,

You poor thing. It’s not like sex is it? You can’t stop someone mid action and ask them to do things differently. And it’s a bit of a lottery for you, isn’t it? You meet what, 10 people a week, and you never know how people are going to react to your outstretched hand.

But here are some words of comfort. I personally happen to know a group of limp handshakers. After your plea for help I held a little focus group on your behalf. All of the limpets assured me that they are unaware they have dead fish handshakes until someone else limply handshakes them back.

Better still, all of them confirmed that when someone shakes their hand firmly, they like it! They feel grown up, secure, happy with life and that they are going to make a profit this year.

So do us all a favour. Shake firmly, regardless of gender.

Disclosure: only women were in my focus group and I got too bored to look for a male so I am not sure how scientific it all was, so I urge you to continue your own investigations, but only if you are making lots of money, your staff are happy and your children are talking to you.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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