If we were all more honest with ourselves and slowed down a little, it’s likely we would notice that our minds and bodies are whispering something to us. They may be telling us we need to do things a little differently, adjust some behaviours accordingly, so that we can feel better in moments we’re in distress. And if we’d only stop and listen, we’d get the valuable information about what we need to be doing (or not doing) to soothe ourselves. But many of us don’t listen. We don’t stop to notice the stressors, the pressures or the feelings. Instead, we just keep going – for days, weeks, months and years – slowly becoming someone we’re not. In doing so, we miss the valuable information that is being whispered to us by the parts of us that know us best. These insights are designed to help steer us in a better direction that is aligned with a better suited life.
Maybe our exhaustion is telling us to slow down. Maybe our tiredness is telling us that 14-hour days are excessive. Maybe our aching body is telling us we shouldn’t be sitting down all day in front of a computer. Maybe our sleeplessness is telling us to have a conversation with our
boss about our impossible workload. Maybe our irritability in the morning is telling us to ease off on the evening wines. Maybe our unhappiness is telling us how out of alignment we are with our career. Maybe the feelings of dread we experience are telling us to stay away from someone. Maybe the heart palpitations are telling us to learn how to manage our anxiety. Maybe our sluggishness is telling us to spend more time in nature. Maybe our heavy shoulders are telling us we’re feeling overwhelmed. Maybe the endless colds are telling us that we’re worn out and we need some help.
Maybe we need a break. Maybe we need to quit. Maybe we need to do the thing that we’ve aways really wanted to do. Maybe we need to say ‘no’ to people more often. Maybe we need to say ‘yes’ to ourselves more often. Maybe our emotions need to be felt, for the first time in a long time. To be processed. To be learned from. To use as a catalyst for changing our life. Maybe we’ve been here. Maybe we’re there. Maybe we don’t ever want to get there.
It’s hard to know what we need to do next when we’re burned out. Once we’ve reached the tipping point into the realm of burnout, it’s hard to see the path ahead. The physical and psychological capabilities that are there to help us recover, heal and create a better life are completely turned down, or have taken a well-earned nap for a while. It’s all still there – it’s just, well, overused, overwhelmed and over it. It’s hard to create a positive way forward in that headspace. But if we can conjure up some energy to learn from our reflections and curiosity as to how and why we got to this burnout point, the insight we gain can lead to something bigger and better for our life in the future.
After the psychological and physical exhaustion phase of burnout, once we pause for a while and start to recharge again, something of value comes from the experience. In fact, something very valuable. Much like all life adversities, individual and collective, going through burnout is often a transformative experience. Burnout hits our psyche so hard that it becomes a powerful catalyst for change; it’s the dark night of the soul that we didn’t think we needed. If we listen to the messages it brings, and we put those learnings to good use, a massive psychological pivot can occur. It’s a shedding of the old and a creating of the new, with a firm intention to not live like we once did.
It involves a ‘knowing’ about what caused us to burn out in the first place. Perhaps it’s a result of a lack of support from our ‘people’ when trying to raise our children. Perhaps it’s a result of not speaking up about the overwhelm in our psychologically unsafe workplace. Perhaps it’s a result of a micromanaging line manager who wore us down. Perhaps it’s a result of our people-pleasing behaviours that meant we’ve been constantly saying ‘no’ to ourselves. Perhaps it’s a lack of control in our relationship that has been building up for some time. Perhaps our job compromised our values. Perhaps we’ve been doing too much of what we thought we ‘should’, rather than what we truly wanted. Perhaps our excessive workload was impossibly ridiculous or maybe it was boringly tedious. Perhaps it was because we’re a workaholic and have no idea how to stop, or perhaps it’s because the expectations on us were greater that we could provide. Perhaps it’s because this fast-paced, modern world doesn’t allow us the space to stop … and listen. Perhaps it’s because this fast-paced, modern world has a lot of things just blatantly wrong.
If we ‘operationalise’ burnout recovery a bit more (and get excited about it), it may involve talking, debriefing, connecting, letting go, reframing and challenging. It may involve crying, screaming, shaking, laughing or thumping our fist into the wall. It will definitely involve exercising, sleeping, meditating, fuelling our body with the right foods and spending time doing things we love. It will involve having courageous and sometimes uncomfortable conversations or setting ninja-style boundaries. It may involve quitting or it may involve starting. It may mean
saying ‘no’ more or saying ‘yes’ more. It may involve being brave or being scared. It might involve more loving or maybe even leaving. It may involve just saying, ‘I surrender.’
Burnout recovery is about finding ourselves again (because, let’s face it, we probably disappeared for a while), meeting ourselves where we need to be and giving ourselves what we need to function at our best. It may involve jumping in some water like me when life gets tough. It might even involve being as far away from water as we can possibly get. Who knows? Whatever it is, it’s up to us to find out.
I’ve worked with and talked to hundreds of people throughout my career who have experienced burnout and healed from it. I’ve been immersed in stories of what burnout feels like, where it can stem from and, from my own professional training and experience, discovered what is crucial to recover from it. I’ve psychologically poked and prodded my clients and assisted them in the discovery of why they may be feeling the way they feel. I’ve helped them to unlock the possible reasons as to why they are suffering in the present. Most importantly, I’ve learned what we need to incorporate into our lives to help us thrive, even in tough times, and create more fulfilling lives with no room for burnout.
Navigating the burnout experience and coming out the other side of it better than ever involves considering where our burnout came from, challenging ourselves to do life a little differently and committing to a new way of living. That’s why I’ve included considerations at the end of each chapter. I urge you to take the time to stop, reflect, ponder and write notes on where you’ve come from, why you may be feeling a certain way, where you want to go and what you are going to do starting now. These considerations will help you design what life is going to look like for you going forward.
Burnout is the wake-up call we never thought we needed. And even better, it will help us create a personal and professional life that will be better than it ever was before. Even for those who haven’t experienced burnout per se, learning how to heal from burnout is still extremely helpful. The cure is often in the cause – so taking the time to reflect on how we operate in the world now, tweak it a little if required and then steer ourselves in a direction that better aligns with who we are will help us design a life that’s better than we ever thought possible.
As Albert Einstein famously said, ‘A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it’. Let’s do both.
This article is an edited extract from the book Burnout to Brilliant: A practical guide to recharging, resetting and redesigning your life by Dr Marny Lishman.
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Dr Marny Lishman is a psychologist and the author of the book, Burnout to Brilliant: A practical guide to recharging, resetting and redesigning your life.
