Whenever you are talking or corresponding with a customer, you have choices to make about whether and how you refer to them and your business using personal pronouns like we, you and us. Getting such a seemingly small thing wrong can damage your business.
Convention has it that we should centre the customer as ‘you’ and refer to yourself on behalf of the business as ‘we’, but it turns out this is not always right. In fact, a misplaced “you” might mean losing customers.
In this article, I am sharing my ultimate guide to “we, me, you and I” personal pronouns – which to use when, including phone calls, emails and social media, and how correct use can increase revenue by 7%.
I’ll also share how you can get a copy of Your Ultimate Guide to Personal Pronouns cheat sheet, so you never have to wonder what to use again!
When it comes to phone calls, our use of pronouns needs to change depending on whether it’s an outbound call — so you’re calling them, or an inbound call, where they are calling you.
When making an outbound call, say a sales call, we need to get their attention.
It is therefore a good idea to start with a “you/your” positive comment. For example, “I really liked your post on LinkedIn last week” or “I’ve been admiring your business for a while now”.
When the conversation turns to a problem you are hoping to solve for them, it’s best to avoid “you/your” as it will seem presumptuous. For example, don’t say “You seem to have a problem with x”.
Instead, broaden the observation to give them permission to agree it might be a concern. For example, “I’ve noticed in your industry that many businesses have a challenge managing x. That might not be the same for you, but I was wondering whether you’ve observed that too?”
It’s fine to use “I” to explain who you are and what you do, for example, “I’m Sam and I’m the business development manager for XYZ company”, and it’s appropriate to use “we” when referring to what your organisation does, such as “we help businesses in your industry get better results”.
When receiving an inbound call, like a complaint or inquiry, it’s best to use “I” rather than “we”. For example, “I understand” and “I will fix that on your account”.
According to 2018 research, using “I” rather than “we” can increase revenue by as much as 7%. This is because it improves the odds your customer will perceive you as having greater empathy and agency, which increases their satisfaction and willingness to buy from you.
So, what’s so wrong with “we”? In the context of inbound inquiries, “we” has two issues. First, it seems much less accountable to say “we’ll fix that” than “I’ll fix that”, and second, “we” can imply a power imbalance, where your customer will feel it’s little ol’ them against your large, faceless organisation.
When it comes to written materials, pronouns like “you/your” can infer personal relevance. For example, a heading with “Change to your business account” will be more compelling than “Change to business account”.
There is nuance, however, in how you refer to the work you do with those you serve.
For existing customers, researchers found it’s best to use “we” rather than “you and (business name)” but under one condition; the customer needs to expect your relationship to be close. For example, imagine being an accountant, business coach or physiotherapist. Because you have likely shared a lot with your client, it’s good to refer to “we” in the work you do together.
If the working relationship is more distant — say you’re a car insurance company and you don’t really have much to do with each other =- instead of “we” you are better off using “you and (business name)”.
When it comes to non-customers, things are a little different. Researchers found it didn’t matter whether you used “we” or “you and us” because they don’t care enough to look for nuance.
When it comes to your website, it’s important to consider your use of pronouns according to which page your customer is visiting.
When visitors land on your homepage, they’re curious about whether what you have to offer is a match for what they need. Using “you/your” is, therefore, a good way to infer you are focussed on them, and it also helps you draft copy with their needs in mind. For example, “Get better results for your business” or “Your free guide to SEO”.
There’s an art to writing about yourself while not coming across as too self-involved. People only read the About Us page because they want to understand what we do for them. That means your About Us should always come back to what it means for your customer.
As a rule, don’t use too many “we do this, we do that”, “I do this”, “I do that” statements in a row. To your readers, it comes across as bragging, and that is likely to bore them. Instead, vary the position of personal pronouns so that they sometimes appear in the middle of statements. For example, instead of “We were established in 1990”, write “Established in 1990, we…” because this will reduce the salience of self-centering pronouns.
When your customer accesses a help page, avoid using “you”. While “you” is generally a great way to attract someone’s attention, in the case of a help page they’ve deliberately sought it out. That means you don’t need to gain their attention like you might on the home page.
Furthermore, using “you” can inadvertently infer they are to blame for whatever issue they are hoping to resolve. For example, “your issue” is more inflammatory than “an issue”.
Plus, using “you” puts the burden of fixing the issue on their shoulders. For example, “You need to reset the printer” sounds more effortful than the passively phrased “the printer will need to be reset”. The effort is the same, of course, but their resentment levels will be much lower if you avoid explicitly telling them that they have to do something by saying “you”. Just be sure that the context makes it clear enough who needs to do what so they are not left confused.
Posts with “you” and “your” tend to attract more attention, and receive more likes and comments (Berger, 2023). That’s because it infers a gap in what the reader knows about themselves or their world, and that the content is relevant to them (Kemm, 2022).
The key is to use “you/your” to gain attention but make sure your content is actually relevant to your target audience, otherwise, it will be regarded as clickbait.
Now, if your head is swimming in pronouns, don’t worry, I’ve created a cheat sheet that you can download here.
Bri Williams is a behavioural science expert.
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Bri Williams is an authority on behavioural economics applied to everyday business and personal effectiveness.
